Let It Rain

Microseason Nos. 45 & 46, September 17-27

We all live through Times of Beauty and Unbearable Pain all tangled together.

This microseason is like that for me.

Friends, my father passed away earlier this week after a very long illness.

For now, I’m trying to see this moment as vividly as possible— as it is.

We’re always looking for a deferral from our pain, aren’t we? But Life, itself, demands that we really live it to the end. I think Wendell Berry said this. I’m grateful that my dad will not suffer any more.

There is an unquenchable beauty which softly illuminates my sadness.

There’s a tiny upside-down forest inside each raindrop.

We all process grief in our own way. Working helps me.

This week, I tried my best to take care of all my dental patients as gently and precisely as possible. As with all healthcare, we can’t always control the outcome, but we can follow the process impeccably. I feel so lucky to do this special work. Dentistry is something essential that people cannot do for themselves. I have the kindest patients; it’s an honor and a joy to serve them. It feels wholesome and holy.

Holiness is not imagination, it is reality.

One thing that helps me, and will help you,

is this: works of love are works of holiness.

—Mother Teresa

Yesterday, my husband and I took an unhurried hike over at Jordan Dam. The sky was washed with layers of filtered gray. We watched hawks gliding on cool, gusty winds that blew away our sadness for a while.

The horizon is off. The world feels a little tilted today.

Microseason No. 46 brought us a special creature that we had never seen before: ailanthus webworms (Atteva aurea).

When not flying around, these daytime moths wrap their brightly patterned wings around themselves and help to pollinate a wildflower named “Late boneset” (Eupatorium serotinum).

This is not quite focused. I’m not focused, either.

If this is a difficult microseason for you—join me?

Let’s try to:

Slow down.

Ask for help.

Take walks.

Bitter Sneezeweed (Helenium amarum) made a Yellow-brick Road for us to follow. Beauty inserts itself in hard places.

Focus completely on whatever comes.

Respond calmly.

Keep something beautiful in your mind.

Rest when you’re tired.

There must be a time when we, who make plans, forget our plans and act as if we have no plans at all.

There must be a time of day when we who have to speak fall very silent.

—Thomas Merton

My Dad

Go easy, my friends. I’ll see you in the next microseason.

xo Ann